I don't remember.

I don't remember what it feels like.
It hasn't even been that long,
but it feels like I never felt it.
I used to have a list,
now that list is empty.
I gave it all away,
gave you all away.
I don't know what this is,
but I know that I don't 
tolerate the same masks
as everyone else.
It's a curse, that's for certain.
I'd love to play the same games
as all of you.
I'd love to hide behind
fake smiles, a loveless marriage,
a job I hate, stagnant,
stale days, at a desk.
I wish I could take a class
on how to be as great
at pretending.